I warn you, this is one of the least articulate things I've written, but here goes anyway. I'm just not feeling like much of a wordsmith today, but I do have something that's been bugging me for awhile.
I am vastly curious about what goes on beneath everyone's facade. This is something I find myself wanting to inquire about much of the time. Yeah, in other words, I'd honestly love to hear your life story.
Something that's been on my mind lately is listening to other people's problems. Often I hear the phrase "I just don't want to hear about other people's problems." Really? I never hear someone say "I love listeing to other's people's problems." Except here and now.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and not wanting to listen other people's problems is a sentiment I hear other people declare overwhelmingly all the time. Obviously, it's highly situational as well. I realize this and am not talking about people who are merely "drama queens" or when we're talking about an inappropriate venue to discuss said problems. But, many times I've heard this phrase in response to a person, fictional or otherwise, that I didn't even realize was trying to overshare. I've even heard people say this about TV shows and movies. What are they there for if not to explore things a little more in-depth.
I realize this is a highly rhetorical post, but so what. I love hearing other people's problems, not because I take joy in other's misery, but because I am that curious. Sure, there is a time and place for everything and sometimes it's just not very appropriate to share your innermost feelings. But I'm really not interested in people that just skim the surface of life anyway. They're like boring one-dimensional fictional characters. "The unexamined life is not worth living"(Socrates) may have become something of a cliche, but I really truly believe this. I'm not saying everyone has to share with me, it's really more about why are people so opposed to hearing about other people's problems? It costs you nothing and you just might learn something by listening to someone else give their life story. I think everyone has an interesting story and I am curious beyond belief at what makes people who they are and to know where they've come from and where they're going.
I asked a woman in her last year of a PhD program in clinical pyschology why she wanted to be a therapist. She told me it was because she liked to hear about other people's problems and hearing about where there are coming from in life, what gives them direction, angst, passion, power, etc all of that. I guess she's in the right field to say the least. She said lots more, but to summarize she said she was fascinated at what goes on with other people underneath the surface. Same for me. I guess it's no mystery, that after having gotten to know me after several months, she said I'd make a great candidate for a doc program in clinical psych. Insert joke about my own sanity here.
Do people who don't want to hear about other people's problems honstely not care about what goes on with other people? I don't mean that they don't care about other people, that's not what I'm saying at all. What I'm trying to say is do they not wonder how different and how similar we all are. Do they not wonder what goes on beneath the other people's facades? And how do we ever know that unless we are willing to listen to other people. I love hearing others wax esoteric about their lives. Finding out what is beneath other people's facades is just about the most interesting thing there is to me, so I find it hard to understand why some people are so adamantly opposed to it. It's the opposition and lack of curiosity that gets me.
Oddly enough, I grew up in a very small town (pop: 1000, no stoplight, no McDonald's, no Wal-Mart for 20 miles) and you couldn't help but know everyone's business and yet I hated that. I hated that everyone knew everything about me and my family and that no one had a choice about what to divulge about their lives. I think it's downright creepy when people decide to live in places like that all their lives, because anonymity is simply divine.
Just curious, what's so bad about hearing other people talk about their problems? *Oh, and I'm not talking about someone that just mopes and complains and is wretchedly dramatic. I mean just in general, what's so bad about listening to other people's problems?
*I invoke the right to completely contradict myself in the future.
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5 comments:
I like hearing other people's problems, but I don't usually like talking about my problems, because I'm afraid everyone will think I'm a big mental case, especially lately. Sometimes I'll burst and spill my crazy all over the place, but I try not to do that too often. When it does happen, generally there's alcohol involved.
I hear you on that one! But, I guess I don't have to say after this post, if you'd like to share, you can contact me anytime. For reals.
I might take you up on that offer (even though it wasn't directed to me, I like to mooch, heh)!
Poor Christo, I talk to him on google mostly and he's chock full of Sticky crazy but he's a trooper and I love him for it.
I love listening to everybody's everything really. I like listening to their problems because a lot of time it will give me insight into who they are and really see where they're coming from. I've always been that way, much more willing to talk it out when I don't understand what's happening.
The most interesting thing is when you run into someone you really like who is the exact opposite of that. It's very hard when you want them to talk to you and they're better at bottling up.
I'm a lot like aj too though, I'm not huge on talking about my problems because I feel like I'm whining or bothering someone, but I love listening to others and never feel like they're bothering me or whining, I wonder where that double standard we give ourselves comes from?
She says as she rambles and wonders if she's annoying Sophie ;)
I do love hearing other people's problems for all the reason stated but I do have one caveat : please let me be sat down first. So many times people have dropped problems on me whilst we're travelling in-between bars and I swear I cannot walk and do problems at the same time.
It's bizarre - when I'm sat down with someone I can give good advice, remain level headed, maybe even make the occasional light-hearted comment to lighten the mood. If I'm walking I go silent, blush awkwardly, make inappropriate jokes and generally gabble until the topic moves onto something else.
I don't know what that says about my intellectual capacity but there we are...
Jeez yes, Christopher. Maybe it says something about me too, but I'm more of a sit-down-to-talk type too. Setting is definitely key. Another caveat? Do NOT do this when I'm trying to cobble together whatever tiny, insignificant understanding I can get from Foucault in the hour before I have to pretend like I understand all that stuff. Ahem.
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